Last updated on September 26, 2023
So there I am, 16 years old, hiding in the hotel bathroom while sobbing on the phone and spilling my teenage woes to my dad.
And that’s when he hit me with my favorite advice from him:
“Shannon, it’s just money. It’s not worth you being in a miserable situation, I’ll buy you a ticket and you can come home tonight.”
My dad
The Backstory
My dad isn’t one of those pageant parents, so when I told him I wanted to travel out of the state for an Irish dance competition (the Southern Regionals—I had to go!) he promptly collaborated with one of the dancer’s guardians so that I could tag along with them—girly dance competitions are not his scene at all but it was fine for me to go chaperoned.
Well, the only problem with this situation. The other dancer was a righteous bitch who hated my guts and sadly, I didn’t know that before we left.
Fast forward a bit and she has now spent the past two days of the competition making my life terrible – alternately name calling and articulating extreme hatred for me whenever her grandmother wasn’t around. Then she openly laughed at me when my hard shoe just happened to fly off of my foot and land in front of the judges…
… ok, so maybe that last one was funny, but she laughed at me maliciously, and there is a difference.
What I Learned From My Dad
Anyway, jump back to me on the scrunched up and perched on top of the closed toilet seat in the bathroom of our hotel and contemplating my dad’s offer to come home no matter what the expense.
That’s actually all I needed, the reassurance that I could leave if I need to, that I wasn’t stuck without a choice due to unfortunate circumstances (me being underage and all). I ended up staying for the last few days. And my shoe flew off again (damn that buckle), but my dad’s advice stuck.
How My Dad’s Advice Impacted My World Travels
See, I make my round the world travels sound like roses and flowers all of the time, but backpacking on a budget was a real brutality at times.
There were the marathon 24 hour bus rides, attempting sleep on rickety trains (vomiting on said trains), sweaty hikes uphill in search of an elusive hostel, and bribing people w/money to get out of unfortunate circumstances.
And though it was often these same experiences that made my best travel stories (and I actually kind of love when a few things go wrong and I get an awesome “holy cow can you believe I survived that” story out of it) I always knew that, at the end of the day, I probably wasn’t truly stuck.
There’s an out. Ok, yes, paying $150 for a hotel rather than the planned $20 hostel sucks, but at the end of the day, my dad’s advice held true—there’s probably an out and you’re just not seeing it. And particularly if it’s just money; if that’s all its going to take to make your life suck a whole lot less, then sometimes it’s just worth it.
And the money thing is only one aspect to it—my dad’s advice altered my point of view (even at the awesomely angsty age of 16).
What it taught me was that we normally do have an “out” from situations even when they seem hopeless. There is something that can be done if we are open to looking for it, some other solution or perspective we haven’t yet seen.
Now, when I’m on the road and something is going wrong on my travels, I really try to take a moment and assess how I’m perceiving the situation versus the reality of what I can actually do to change it. Perception versus reality; I’m still working on recognizing the difference, and when I can, my traveling woes aren’t quite so bad.
Other Important Dad Lessons
My dad is a fountain of wisdom, and he was also really good at letting me learn my own lessons. I was giving huge amounts of autonomy and he only got involved if I proved myself incapable of taking care of the situation.
I could choose my own bedtime—until I was cranky and mean. Then he would enforce an earlier time. I was never asked about my homework—unless my grades were unacceptable.
That parenting method alone imparted a slew of important lessons. That said, here are some more dad lessons.
The Power of Accountability
My dad insisted that when you make a decision, you stand by it. Whether it was choosing a college major or a hiking trail, he emphasized that the ultimate responsibility for our choices rests with us. It’s like navigating through a dense forest; once you pick a path, you better see it through.
But then, he also taught that there was a time to assess and take responsibility for your decision and change course. If you’re going the wrong way in that forest, don’t be too stubborn to turn around or use the compass you packed (because being prepared was my Eagle Scout dad’s number one dad lesson).
Financial Wisdom is Timeless
While he wasn’t Warren Buffet, my dad had a knack for financial prudence. Save before you spend, and when you do spend, make sure it’s an investment—whether it’s quality hiking boots for the trails less traveled or an education that opens doors to the world.
He even carried this over to gift giving. While it was hard to understand as a child, I now deeply appreciate that he was never beholden to a day or even a financial number that he needed to hit for holidays or birthdays.
I received meaningful gifts when they would make a difference—an expensive camera before a trip to see snow at my auntie’s house for the first time at 16 years old. Some years, I didn’t get much more than a book and a hug for my birthday, but when I wanted a big ticket item, I didn’t have to wait 11 months for an arbitrary day.
I learned to appreciate my gifts—they were never small, cheap, and crappy. But rather thoughtful and useful to that moment in my life. That’s probably its own dad lesson, but I see it as part of financial wisdom now that I have my own kid and see how much friends spend on holidays, new toys, brand new clothes, etc.
Be a Lifelong Learner
Whether it was a dusty old book or a secluded ancient ruin, my dad found lessons everywhere. He instilled in me a love for constant learning, encouraging me to perceive every experience, good or bad, as a chapter in an endless educational tome.
He also just knows so much about everything. He’s a huge fan of the PBS show NOVA, which was on in our house for every single episode. While he definitely watched his fair share of regular television, his love for knowledge means he’s seen most NOVA episodes several times.
Listen to Learn from Others
Look, my dad is a talker. He knows a lot about a lot, so he can spend a long time explaining things. But amidst the cacophony of modern life, the art of listening is often lost. My dad also taught me that you learn by absorbing the world around you, rather than only flooding it with your own sound.
Quality Over Quantity
In everything from friendships to material possessions, my dad championed the merits of quality. In a world that often feels like a bazaar, flooded with the loud hawking of mediocrity, discernment becomes a cherished skill.
Work Smart, Not Just Hard
My dad often likened life to a complex puzzle. Brute force could get you some way, but cleverness and strategy would complete the picture. The tools you choose to carry on your journey, whether literal or metaphorical, can make all the difference.
My dad also taught me not what to think, but how to think, and maybe that was the best lesson of all.
Hope you got out of there ok! Parents are so wise sometimes when it comes to
calming down and solving a situation!
This is a great article Shannon! For my first trip I went to visit Taiwan, everything went well until the last day when I got lost and went to to the wrong airport terminal, I remember being on my mobile talking to my mom almost on the verge of crying thinking I was going to miss my flight.
Hope you got out of there ok! Parents are so wise sometimes when it comes to
calming down and solving a situation!
This is a great article Shannon! For my first trip I went to visit Taiwan, everything went well until the last day when I got lost and went to to the wrong airport terminal, I remember being on my mobile talking to my mom almost on the verge of crying thinking I was going to miss my flight.
Aww, I love that your dad facilitated that solution for you guys; it really
is easier sometimes for an outsider or an outside perspective to really just
come in and strip the situation down to the basics! Good that you flew and
were able to safely move on into Thailand. :-)
I was in a situation a little like this in Malaysia and we were trying to get to Thailand. We'd planned to travel by a combination of train, bus and ferry but we were running out of time and just couldn't get the transport times to link up so that we weren't looking at spending the night at a train station or ferry port. After several stressful hours trying to figure out the possibilities online I was chatting to my Dad and he just offered to buy us the far simpler option of plane tickets and we could pay him back when we were home. He was happy because we were safer and we were happy because we'd found a way out of our problem.
I think you're so right though, whatever problems we get ourselves into the vast majority are solveable if you look at it in the right way. I always have that emergency credit card on hand for those emergencies that can be solved with a little money thrown at them.
And Dads are always wonderful at giving you a little bit of perspective.
Aww, I love that your dad facilitated that solution for you guys; it really
is easier sometimes for an outsider or an outside perspective to really just
come in and strip the situation down to the basics! Good that you flew and
were able to safely move on into Thailand. :-)
I was in a situation a little like this in Malaysia and we were trying to get to Thailand. We'd planned to travel by a combination of train, bus and ferry but we were running out of time and just couldn't get the transport times to link up so that we weren't looking at spending the night at a train station or ferry port. After several stressful hours trying to figure out the possibilities online I was chatting to my Dad and he just offered to buy us the far simpler option of plane tickets and we could pay him back when we were home. He was happy because we were safer and we were happy because we'd found a way out of our problem.
I think you're so right though, whatever problems we get ourselves into the vast majority are solveable if you look at it in the right way. I always have that emergency credit card on hand for those emergencies that can be solved with a little money thrown at them.
And Dads are always wonderful at giving you a little bit of perspective.
Wow – great job of laying your heart out on the line. What a story. Adversity builds character, they say. (And they also say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.)
Thanks Andy :-) It was a pretty heartfelt post and if adversity builds
character then I'd say I have character in spades! ;-)
Thanks Andy :-) It was a pretty heartfelt post and if adversity builds
character then I'd say I have character in spades! ;-)
Wow – great job of laying your heart out on the line. What a story. Adversity builds character, they say. (And they also say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.)
I completely agree- once you can force yourself to recognize the other side of the coin – and that there ARE two sides, you're on the right track. It's the people who think situations are out-right hopeless that we have to worry about :-)
Well said and succinct Anil, I agree.
Thanks Brooke – it definitely sounds like the investment in a ticket home was well worth the price and you have a great friend who recognized that you needed that trip home and was able to really tell it to you straight like that :-)
That's the same relationship I have w/my parents! My mom just worries/sighs if I tell her too many of the crazy experiences…my dad still worries but does so to himself I think so that he can outwardly really support my travels and everything I decide to randomly do, sounds like we both have pretty great dads :-)
That is so true! I remember how grateful and rejuvinated I was in Cambodia just by upgrading to a room that was $10 more a night. That evening of TV and AC recharged the weariness and grumpiness that was creeping in :-)
Man, that is my refrain too…as long as I have my passport I try not to sweat the rest! It's hard to check your emotions sometimes and look for objectivity when things are going wrong, but it seems like you've got it mastered pretty well…yikes, $250 is a lot to lose in one swipe like that!
I agree Candice, it's been a month now and I miss my dad too, kinda what inspired my nostalgic post. :-)
That's precisely the point I was going for Audrey! As a western travelers the ability to get out of a pinch is much easier in many cases…and the super-tired aspect/hungry is when I/most of us usually need to remember objectivity the most :-)
You're welcome :-)
traveling on budget can be sometimes frustrating but, as your wise old man said, it's not worth to make it ruin your travel experience. when you stop for a second and value both side of the coin, you will find there is always an alternative choice
I completely agree- once you can force yourself to recognize the other side of the coin – and that there ARE two sides, you're on the right track. It's the people who think situations are out-right hopeless that we have to worry about :-)
Many people try to go through problems rather than around them. Makes travel in particular much easier.
Well said and succinct Anil, I agree.
Many people try to go through problems rather than around them. Makes travel in particular much easier.
Cool story, Shannon, and I totally agree – sometimes spending the extra money is worth it. It's hard to sometimes let go of the rut of thinking we get into… When I was in Kyrgyzstan and issues at the time and with my home life were getting me down, it took my friend telling me that paying for that plane ticket home to take care of everything (and get happy again) was worth it to actually buy it.
Thanks Brooke – it definitely sounds like the investment in a ticket home was well worth the price and you have a great friend who recognized that you needed that trip home and was able to really tell it to you straight like that :-)
Cool story, Shannon, and I totally agree – sometimes spending the extra money is worth it. It's hard to sometimes let go of the rut of thinking we get into… When I was in Kyrgyzstan and issues at the time and with my home life were getting me down, it took my friend telling me that paying for that plane ticket home to take care of everything (and get happy again) was worth it to actually buy it.
Shannon: Your old man was a wise one and good for you for learning this lesson when most people never learn it in their entire life. I personally used to sweat the little stuff when traveling but the more I travel the less I care about things when it goes bad.
Take for example this trip in Colombia; I somehow lost $250+ USD. Don't have a clue where it went or if it was stolen but I really just shrugged it off. Not because I can afford to lose that kind of money every week but getting upset or pointing blame on someone wasn't going to get it back. 5 years ago I would have been mad a hell and it would have ruined 3-4 days of my trip because so but I looked at it now like this “I have my passport and credit cards and I wasn't held at gun point when I lost the money. Things could be worse!”
Great Post!!!!
Man, that is my refrain too…as long as I have my passport I try not to sweat the rest! It's hard to check your emotions sometimes and look for objectivity when things are going wrong, but it seems like you've got it mastered pretty well…yikes, $250 is a lot to lose in one swipe like that!
A lot of my best life and travel advice also comes from my Dad.He is my biggest cheerleader and bolsters me with lots of “life is too short” pep talks.
And I was actually talking to him last week about what I like to call those “oh shit” moments of travel where things just seem horrible. I always try to remeember that as long as I survive it's going to make a great story! One that I will probably tell to my Dad but not my Mom because that stuff just freaks her out.
That's the same relationship I have w/my parents! My mom just worries/sighs if I tell her too many of the crazy experiences…my dad still worries but does so to himself I think so that he can outwardly really support my travels and everything I decide to randomly do, sounds like we both have pretty great dads :-)
Shannon: Your old man was a wise one and good for you for learning this lesson when most people never learn it in their entire life. I personally used to sweat the little stuff when traveling but the more I travel the less I care about things when it goes bad.
Take for example this trip in Colombia; I somehow lost $250+ USD. Don't have a clue where it went or if it was stolen but I really just shrugged it off. Not because I can afford to lose that kind of money every week but getting upset or pointing blame on someone wasn't going to get it back. 5 years ago I would have been mad a hell and it would have ruined 3-4 days of my trip because so but I looked at it now like this “I have my passport and credit cards and I wasn't held at gun point when I lost the money. Things could be worse!”
Great Post!!!!
A lot of my best life and travel advice also comes from my Dad.He is my biggest cheerleader and bolsters me with lots of “life is too short” pep talks.
And I was actually talking to him last week about what I like to call those “oh shit” moments of travel where things just seem horrible. I always try to remeember that as long as I survive it's going to make a great story! One that I will probably tell to my Dad but not my Mom because that stuff just freaks her out.
Great advice. We're also budget travelers, but sometimes there's a limit that is reached and it is necessary to treat yourself and rest. Sometimes, one night of air conditioning is all we need to feel better again.
That is so true! I remember how grateful and rejuvinated I was in Cambodia just by upgrading to a room that was $10 more a night. That evening of TV and AC recharged the weariness and grumpiness that was creeping in :-)
Great advice. We're also budget travelers, but sometimes there's a limit that is reached and it is necessary to treat yourself and rest. Sometimes, one night of air conditioning is all we need to feel better again.
Ah, this post makes me miss my dad. :) You're right, having an answer is always comforting.
I agree Candice, it's been a month now and I miss my dad too, kinda what inspired my nostalgic post. :-)
Ah, this post makes me miss my dad. :) You're right, having an answer is always comforting.
Great advice, not only for travel but for life. When things look dire and you are super tired, it's easy to think there is only one way of doing things or only one choice. But, there are usually many options if we are able to step back and look at things objectively. And, we (e.g., western travelers) are very fortunate to have things like credit cards to get us out of binds or to make that splurge when we need it.
Fathers sometimes still know best, don't they?
That's precisely the point I was going for Audrey! As a western travelers the ability to get out of a pinch is much easier in many cases…and the super-tired aspect/hungry is when I/most of us usually need to remember objectivity the most :-)
This post touched me so much. I am unable to say more. Thank yo for sharing him with us.
You're welcome :-)
That is just some of the best travel advice I've heard in a long time. If there were situations that we couldn't get out of, then we wouldn't be here right now talking about it!
Lost wallets, missed flights, shady characters with weapons, illness, being lost, days of endless frustration – it's all part of traveling and at the end of the day, none of those situations are really as hopeless as we sometimes perceive them to be.
Thanks Earl, so well said – it's just so rarely as bad as we can make it out to be that a tiny bit of perspective goes a really long way when you're traveling :-)
Great advice, not only for travel but for life. When things look dire and you are super tired, it's easy to think there is only one way of doing things or only one choice. But, there are usually many options if we are able to step back and look at things objectively. And, we (e.g., western travelers) are very fortunate to have things like credit cards to get us out of binds or to make that splurge when we need it.
Fathers sometimes still know best, don't they?
This post touched me so much. I am unable to say more. Thank yo for sharing him with us.
That is just some of the best travel advice I've heard in a long time. If there were situations that we couldn't get out of, then we wouldn't be here right now talking about it!
Lost wallets, missed flights, shady characters with weapons, illness, being lost, days of endless frustration – it's all part of traveling and at the end of the day, none of those situations are really as hopeless as we sometimes perceive them to be.
I actually went, “aww, Mr. O'Donnell!” out loud when I read this. Your da is so precious, and I love that you wrote this entry about him.
Thank you Stephie! He would give you and “aw shucks” type of chuckle if he read your comment :-)
Being stranded in Copenhagen, with my money belt (and my money, Eurail pass, and passport in it) gone I certainly felt that way. I slept in the kitchen of a hostel I sneaked into that night, and left at 5 am before anyone noticed. By that evening I was on a train headed to Stockholm with a new passport, Eurail pass, and only $100 poorer.
I credit this to my excellent disaster planning. The US Embassy was impressed at how I had color copies of all the proper documents, just enough money in US currency, and two passport photos ready to go (from my emergency money belt, which was an actual belt with a hidden pocket). Seeing as how I only had a 3 hour window to get it all taken care of, there was no way I could've gotten it all done without proper planning.
We choose to remember the good bits, but it's the bad bits that make for the best stories.
Wow, that is incredible that you were able to keep your wits and go with the
flow enough to have all of that sorted out so quickly! And props to you for
really planning so well; a good example of why it's so important to have all
of your emergency information in order just in case! Thanks for sharing
Andy!
I actually went, “aww, Mr. O'Donnell!” out loud when I read this. Your da is so precious, and I love that you wrote this entry about him.
Instead of answering your question, I'm just going to say that I love that you wrote about your dad! Next to traveling with my husband, my dad is by far my favorite travel partner. He's so chill and is always reminding me that things will work out when they deviate from the “plan.”
Thanks Joanna! Your description sounds precisely like my own dad! He's
steady and hard to rock :)
Being stranded in Copenhagen, with my money belt (and my money, Eurail pass, and passport in it) gone I certainly felt that way. I slept in the kitchen of a hostel I sneaked into that night, and left at 5 am before anyone noticed. By that evening I was on a train headed to Stockholm with a new passport, Eurail pass, and only $100 poorer.
I credit this to my excellent disaster planning. The US Embassy was impressed at how I had color copies of all the proper documents, just enough money in US currency, and two passport photos ready to go (from my emergency money belt, which was an actual belt with a hidden pocket). Seeing as how I only had a 3 hour window to get it all taken care of, there was no way I could've gotten it all done without proper planning.
We choose to remember the good bits, but it's the bad bits that make for the best stories.
Thanks Joanna! Your description sounds precisely like my own dad! He's
steady and hard to rock :)
Instead of answering your question, I'm just going to say that I love that you wrote about your dad! Next to traveling with my husband, my dad is by far my favorite travel partner. He's so chill and is always reminding me that things will work out when they deviate from the “plan.”