Last updated on March 5, 2023
In the months and years since I took a ten-day Vipassana Meditation course in Nepal, friends and readers have asked me to share my thoughts, now that I have distance from the experience. I jotted a few sparse notes during the course, and journaled on Day Eleven to chronicle my ten-days in a Vipassana course. Those entries shared the raw thoughts and feelings as I processed each day of meditation and course teachings. During the course, I was deep in the middle of the pain and difficulty. There was little room for reflection.
What is Vipassana Meditation?
I dubbed my time in Vipassana meditation as my ten day stint in “solitary confinement.” It’s how it felt at the time. And even in retrospect this intense mediation course as one of my wackier decisions. It’s one of the most structured and regimented forms of meditation. The rules are strict and the entire process is tightly control. This course was the hardest thing I have ever voluntarily chosen. More than six months later, I was endlessly thankful that I was able to complete it, that I had the support and stamina during the course finish. And now, seven years later I still look at that course as a formative foundation on how I approach life.
A few of the strict rules:
- You cannot speak or communicate (non-verbal communication like eye-contact is a no-no)
- No reading or writing
- Food is restricted after the mid-day meal
- You must adhere to the meditation schedule of 10+ hours of meditation and an hour of discourse in the evening
What is it Like on the Other Side of a Vipassana Meditation Course?
The course kicked my ass. Raw feelings bubbled up throughout the intense ten days. I started the course cautious and fearful of what it would be like. Then I had anger and resentment during the middle. By the final day, I swelled with well-being and happiness.
And now?
Pride.
I feel proud that I was able to complete the course. This was one of the hardest obstacles in my life to complete. Growing up I was a dilettante. And while usually that’s one of the cornerstones of being a child—experimenting, learning, and discovering new interests—changing interests so frequently impacted my personal self-views. I have always considered myself a quitter.
Back in the day, I loved synchronized swimming. I even won state and national awards. Then I quit that and moved onto tap dancing. Tap wasn’t as fun as jazz, which then gave way to pottery. Then there was that brief stint in ballet, then Irish dance, followed by several years of piano lessons. I dabbled in art, more styles of dance, and went back to competitive Irish dance in high school. All that took a backseat to theatre—the only thing I stuck with. Until I didn’t; I left my LA acting career to travel the world.
On day four, when I wanted to quit it was more than that. I needed to quit. I begged to quit. I spazzed out in my head with a need to abort the decision and save myself from finishing the course. I didn’t like the trainwreck of thoughts I faced each meditation session. I desperately wanted the opportunity to relieve myself from the pain. Teacher persuaded me to stay. He assured me that I was strong enough. That’s it. That I was strong enough to finish.
And in staying, I proved to myself that I was strong enough to honor my commitment.
This personal lesson is not the point of Vipassana; but it was one of the things I proved to myself on the trip thanks to the course. And it was one of the many things I took from that course. Six years later, the course teachings continue to shape my ideas about the world. I think about impermanence when I process my brothers death, or when I’m faced with debilitating life challenges. In the depth of my depression in 2014, when all seemed futile. It’s then that a niggling piece of my brain reminded me that I knew a technique to climb out of the hole and find help. It took a lot to come out of the depression, but Vipassana was surely a tool that allowed my brain to lift from that pain.
Many have wondered if I kept Vipassana as a part of my life. Do I still practice the technique, which requires two hours a day of silent meditation?
No, I don’t. I have perhaps ten times in the six years since I took my Vipassana course. I have friends who aim for 20 minutes a day in the weeks and months after their course. I learned a lot during those ten days, but ultimately I continued my round the world trip and somehow allowed the Vipassana to fall aside, with the practice not integrated into my life, but the teachings have remained a part of me forever.
Should You Attend a Vipassana Meditation Course?
The crux of the question for many is if they should take a Vipassana course. It’s highly personal. This is not a question I could ever decide for someone. I can’t tell you if it’s the right next step for you, but I can give you a few thoughts I’ve had since then.
I found benefit in the course because it gave me a lot of perspective I needed in my life. On a weekly basis I find my mind reframing situations with the lessons and teachings that you listen to each night. These lessons weave together Buddhism and Christianity to come aware with core truths all the major religions advocate. Goenka teaches these lessons via video tutorials each night. These lessons offered me clarification, peace, all of that happy spiritual-ness that I sought. It didn’t fix my issues, but it gave me a new perspective.
Vipassana is not a cure-all, nor a magical solution to life’s problems. It doesn’t solve anything when you come out on the other side of the ten days. Instead, Vipassana is a tool. It’s a training technique that gives you another way to shape your mind—and yourself—into a person better able to face the world. The ten days are only the introduction to the technique. From there, it’s up to you how much you get out of it. The program provides ideas and a framework for viewing suffering and pain. It was a way to see the world that I had never before considered. It reframed entire swathes of how I view my life.
And one thing my teacher told me has always stuck with me. He said, “Not everyone has heard of Vipassana, but it comes into your life when you need it. When you can most benefit from learning the teachings and technique.”
How to Prepare for Vipassana Meditation: 5 Pieces of Advice
Additional Vipassana Resources
Other Online Vipassana Stories:
- If you missed by day-by-day account of the journey your mind goes on over the ten days, read it here.
- Jodi from Legal Nomads shares a deeply personal account of her journey through Vipassana.
- My friend Dan shares his Vipassana experience.
- This is a fun and interesting read from Men’s Journal; they broke a lot of rules!
- Andrew Sullivan, a well-known writer and blogger, reflects in NY Mag on how meditation allowed him to reconnect to his life that he had masked with internet, technology, news cycles, and noise. It’s a fantastic long-read.
Best Books About Vipassana Meditation:
These books all either cover Vipassana in depth, or they are the breezy travel reads that include the author’s experience in a course.
- A Beginner’s Guide to Vipassana Meditation (available on Amazon Kindle or as a downloadable PDF): Practical advice to decide if you should take a course, as well as thorough information on how to prepare.
- Mindfulness in Plain English: A recommended reading for those interested in Vipassana and the theories around mindfulness.
- Going to Pieces Without Falling Apart: A Buddhist Perspective on Wholeness: An acclaimed book by a western Buddhist psychiatrist Mark Epstein.
- The Art of Living: This is next on my “to read” list as it is a book sanctioned by S.N. Goenka to distill down his teachings.
- The Discourse Summaries: If you’ve done a course, consider this summary of the discourses. I found these discussions provided many of my profound shifts throughout the 10 days.
- My Vipassana story was included in the To Nepal With Love anthology of stories.
How to Apply to a Vipassana Course:
The official Vipassana site has a directory of centers. Friends who took the course in a Western location report slightly higher levels of comfort. Each center is equipped differently; some offer each student a private room, others are shared rooms. My center in Nepal (Nepal Travel Guide here) offered shared rooms and rustic accommodations. Food is always simple and vegetarian, but will vary greatly depending on your location. Many centers near major centers are booked out months in advance; do your research and book your course early.
If you wish to know the middle path this is the course for you. You walk the middle path or not is entirely your choice.
If you wish to see the pattern you are in this is the course for you. You can break the pattern and come out, and make it again if you wish. But you will experience all of it.
Be prepared for struggle in first 3 or 4 days.
That was such a productive read for people who are in a dilemma to do it the first time or to repeat it again in life, dear Shannon. I sincerely endorse that it’s a course worth doing in this human life time. Today I am going to be 61 years old and I did this when I was 20 or 21. A rebel wild girl was I then and things just flipped after the course. Midway I too felt I could not complete it as the darkest within kept pouring out but then suddenly it was gone and I was clean and clear to know what to think and how to manage the years ahead in life. It sure was my foundation to a spiritual, balanced life thereafter. It was one of my experiences in life which had a 180 degree transformation. I shall be ever grateful to Goenka Ji and all the people who thought it was best for me ( my mother ) to have gifted this to me. Its true its a personal choice but it’s imp to share our experiences with others so that they don’t miss out this experience which is mind blowing ( literally ). I am glad you did this , dear Shannon.
Thank you so much for sharing your own thoughts and insights. Like you, taking the course in my 20s was a foundational moment for me. I use Goenka’s teachings to this day, and I continue to share some of the teachings from his nightly lessons with friends at important moments in their own lives. Hope you are safe and well this year.
Thanks for sharing. I am also vipassana meditator. It transform me a lot. Eager to do third 10 days course again
Thank you so much for your article, I can really relate to it. I plan to take the 10-day course again.
Iam also attand VIPASSANA mediation in Dhamma Janani Nepal ( birth place of Goutam Buddha) I completed 10 course.
It’s unbelievable experience
Mangal ho
Thank you for sharing, can you let me know which vipassana centre allowed to bring their own meat or non-vegetarian food?
Hi Raju, it’s my understanding that eating simple but nourishing vegetarian food is part of attending a Vipassana course. You are not allowed to bring outside food into the course. It’s really good food though and served with plenty. There were many men in our course who felt they had plenty to eat. It will usually contain beans as a source of protein, you’ll likely have dairy offered, and things like that. Cheers!
Really interesting read. It brought back memories of my first course which was hugely traumatic – I won’t go into details but I had lots of craving, aversions and sankharas to deal with. I cried a lot! But I’m forever grateful to Goenka for giving me the chance to understand what goes on inside every one of us. I’d tried for a long time to be a ‘better’ person but always fell into the same bad habits but this technique applied in daily life helps me really purify my mind. I would advise people to do a course – but be aware that if you have mental health issues or addictions the medicine that Vipassana provides can be difficult to take. Once you are back from the course listen to the discourses in detail. There is profound wisdom in these teachings. And keep practicing. It took me many years to realise that it’s by practising Vipassana daily that brings the benefits. I hope I have the sense to keep this a part of my life. In my experience – there’s nothing like it.
Thank you for sharing your own experience Richard. Every Vipassana is so intensely personal that it’s interesting to see and hear how others have fared in the initial course, as well as subsequent ones. Like you, I found Goenka’s teachings profound and they have had a lasting impact on my life.
Really Vipasana is a lovely wonderful and interesting experience.Personal and spiritual growth.
Full awareness..!!
Thank you for sharing.
Nice to read your post thank for sharing with us, Im. Also going to few months later in vippssana meditation course in Nepal my hometown,
Love your article Shannon. I thought of an experiment you could do. Read this article as if you were not the author but someone pondering the.need for a second course. I think you’ll find yourself applying minutes after reading wherever you are because you know … There are cebtres all.over the world. With metta
Thanks Ewa, it’s been calling to me lately and I do think I will go back to one. In the first years after I wasn’t ready, but it’s time and I am looking forward again to the chance to immerse in the technique and ideas.
Thanks for sharing your Vipasssna experience. I attended a 10 day course in September 2014. I agree that it was probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Definitely the most mentally challenging! By day 5 I was so ready to leave! I signed up to have a brief chat with my facilitator because I was really struggling. What I whispered to her was that I thought I needed to leave because I was struggling and I didn’t think I was getting anything out of being there. All she said back was “So is that what you usually do in life when things are difficult? You run?” And BAM! She nailed it! I had always run from difficulties in my life instead of facing them. I decided to stay and am so thankful I did. At the end of the 10 days I felt an overwhelming sense of calmness and peace. Tears actually rolled down my face when I started speaking again. I am planning on going back again this September. My friends, family and clients can’t understand why I would go back. And honestly, sometimes I wonder why I would subject myself to that again. But I am drawn to it! Thanks again so much for sharing. I am always curious to hear other people’s Vipassana experiences.
Hi Lauri! Thank you so much for sharing your experience—ours sound very similar in that Day 5 struggle to stay committed to the program. And like you, even though I found the ten days such a challenge, I have long considered taking another one, and I know that I will do one again if I reach a point in my life where it’s calling to me strongly. Much happiness and joy to you as you take your next one!
I haven’t got a chance to learn / attend vipassana. But 3 of my besties have done this course and based only on their feedback, I can say that indeed Vipassana is worth doing at least once in this lifetime. Add per them, it’s a Tremendously Wonderful & Life Changing Experience.
I hope you get the chance to attend one Jenny, thanks for sharing!
Pride… It’s not the first Vipassana story I encounter that includes this experience. It’s an ego game; it’s bad sankhara in Vipassana’s terms. You were blessed to do it in Nepal. From the few pictures you provided, it seems like heaven. In my experience this helps a lot to stay present – observing the unspeakable beauty around.
My experience was … unconventional to say the least I think. Symbolic dreams, psychedelic experiences and of course the pain.
Thanks for your thoughts. I do know the term sankara, and it’s an important part of the process for sure!
Tatastha Bhav.
There is no such thing as good or bad in terms of sankaras. Good, bad everything is harmful for the path of liberation. It’s how we have conditioned our minds to respond to everything in either good or bad. Once we observe everything without reacting towards it as good or bad, we are able to break out of the cycle of suffering.
Keep practicing and stay in Tatastha Bhav (neutral stance), Sakshi Bhav (state of observer).
All the best.
Great post – could relate to many aspects of what you said. I have done my first vipassana course last november and currently thinking of doing another one next year :)
So glad it resonated Sabrina! Hope the next one brings you happiness and equanimity. :)
Great post. I related to a lot of what you’ve written here and it reminded me of my first course. It has been over a year since I’ve been to Vipassana and this has made me think I should book in for another one soon (ish!). Thanks for sharing. I also wrote a post offering advice to first timers.
Hello Shannon, I’ve just discovered this blog and am really enjoying it. Getting ready to take off on extended travels in January and appreciating all of the really helpful info here. Also, the notes about your brother and thoughts about addiction. I’m so sorry you lost him.
I’m wondering, have you talked about your depression anywhere? I’m just starting to process the fact that I’ve lived with it most of my life and am interested in how it’s affected other people as well as how they’ve dealt with it. I’m fortunate that medication has recently made an enormous difference to me but I’m curious about how others have overcome it ‘on their own’.
Anyhow, I just appreciate your insights in general and this is another area that I’d be interested in hearing your take.
Thanks so much, for all of the wonderful information, inspiration, and resources you offer here. It’s enormously helpful!
Hi Cindy, I am so glad to hear that the stories have resonated. I haven’t talked much about depression, just mentioning here and there that I suffer from it, and that the constant travel has exacerbated it, at times. I was always more conscious of ensuring that I didn’t have signs of the mental illness that runs in my family, and when serious depression hit in late 2013, I didn’t pay much attention. Being on the road in Africa for the next six months — having no friends or family nearby and moving constantly sent me into a deep spiral. It’s not the travel, of course, but more that I wasn’t creating for myself the environment I needed to see my way out of it. In late 2014 I stopped in one spot, where I had friends nearby, and I started trying to address it without medicine (I didn’t have insurance at the time, so it was a combination of hoping to avoid medicine if possible, and also no affordable access). So, I’ve not used traditional medicine, but instead treated it after many months of 5-HTP. I’ve experimented with other natural ones that increase serotonin and such (SAM-e), and they work really well for me. I’ll admit that I haven’t fully found my balance point in the years since that very dark time, but I am determined never to let myself wait as long before I seek help. I am more aware and active about adjusting my travels/life/medicines as soon as the tip into depression starts.
Are you heading out solo? For me, that’s often a trigger when I am too long away from friends and community, or just moving too frequently. Please don’t hesitate to shoot me an email if you’d like to talk more. ~Shannon
Thank you :-) As you say, it's really hard to articulate just what it was
like throughout the 10 days, and then harder to quantify what it may have
brought to my life 6 months later :-) Oh, and they do have tours in the US
(and all over the world for that matter) if you find yourself needing a
break :-)
Wow…I think being proud of completion is wonderful…I wish for an opportunity too to experience this…surely words are hard to describe the experience…
Thank you :-) As you say, it's really hard to articulate just what it was
like throughout the 10 days, and then harder to quantify what it may have
brought to my life 6 months later :-) Oh, and they do have tours in the US
(and all over the world for that matter) if you find yourself needing a
break :-)
Sometimes I have fantasies about participating in this kind of class… but that may be because I thrive on being alone. I like it a little too much sometimes! Who knows, maybe I'll give it a try. I DO want to go to Nepal. Glad to read that there are all kinds of approaches there
If you're interested and not scared away by all of that solitude then you
really should consider. They have Vipassana centers all over the world too,
so you find some outside of Nepal as well. :-)
Sometimes I have fantasies about participating in this kind of class… but that may be because I thrive on being alone. I like it a little too much sometimes! Who knows, maybe I'll give it a try. I DO want to go to Nepal. Glad to read that there are all kinds of approaches there
Thanks Steph! I think it's good for the “Maybe Someday” list – in the
program that emphasize that you only find Vipassana when you're supposed to
:-) So, well, when you're supposed to take it you'll find your way into a
class! :-)
If you're interested and not scared away by all of that solitude then you
really should consider. They have Vipassana centers all over the world too,
so you find some outside of Nepal as well. :-)
I remember learning about Vipassana in an “Anthropology of Healing” course in college. I thought it was really interesting then and wondered if it was something I could get through. It's interesting to hear from some one who has actually done it and to read about your experiences. It's definitely something I have on my Maybe Someday list.
Thanks Steph! I think it's good for the “Maybe Someday” list – in the
program that emphasize that you only find Vipassana when you're supposed to
:-) So, well, when you're supposed to take it you'll find your way into a
class! :-)
Okay, never mind, I just started reading your Solitary Confinement post. Hypoglycemia trumps curiosity, and that early wakeup call is in exactly the wrong place in my sleep cycle. My head would explode by day 2.
Heavy-duty retreat experiments shall remain vicarious. Good on you for making it.
Well, it doesn't take long to get twitchy, trust me, at times I was going
out of my mind! :-) Funny you should mention the hypoglycemia though, I am
too, that's why I made them feed me more food at night…and I refused to
surrender some protein and granola bars that I had brought – and they
agreed…I just had to promise not to eat in front of the others outside of
the set meals :-)
But yeah, unless you're really jonesing for something that intense, there
are other retreats that sound really amazing that don't involve so
rigorously affecting your food/sleep/body.
PS: They have Vipassana centers all over the world if you're tempted ;-)
Reading that post makes the idea strangely tempting. Maybe it's the work burnout talking… I spend a lot of time alone since I work solo, so I might have a head start. I wonder how long it would take me to get twitchy.
Hmm.
Wow! 10 days of no communication!! That's a really big accomplishment. I don't care if you don't learn the secret of the universe but you sure can be proud of yourself. Now, I will venture out to guess that you are a Gemini just because I married one. :)
Thanks Amy! And as for me, I'm a Capricorn (but I've been asked if I was
Gemini before ;-) but I'm pretty spot on as a Cap!
Well, it doesn't take long to get twitchy, trust me, at times I was going
out of my mind! :-) Funny you should mention the hypoglycemia though, I am
too, that's why I made them feed me more food at night…and I refused to
surrender some protein and granola bars that I had brought – and they
agreed…I just had to promise not to eat in front of the others outside of
the set meals :-)
But yeah, unless you're really jonesing for something that intense, there
are other retreats that sound really amazing that don't involve so
rigorously affecting your food/sleep/body.
PS: They have Vipassana centers all over the world if you're tempted ;-)
I remember learning about Vipassana in an “Anthropology of Healing” course in college. I thought it was really interesting then and wondered if it was something I could get through. It's interesting to hear from some one who has actually done it and to read about your experiences. It's definitely something I have on my Maybe Someday list.
Wow…I think being proud of completion is wonderful…I wish for an opportunity too to experience this…surely words are hard to describe the experience…
Okay, never mind, I just started reading your Solitary Confinement post. Hypoglycemia trumps curiosity, and that early wakeup call is in exactly the wrong place in my sleep cycle. My head would explode by day 2.
Heavy-duty retreat experiments shall remain vicarious. Good on you for making it.